Couldn't Love You More
by Innloine
Summary: Moiraine's life takes a turn when she discovers something about Siuan. A companion piece to "Lead Me Into Denial" by ravenhaired.


Couldn't Love You More

Disclaimer: I don't own the Wheel of Time.

For Laura

* * *

_Help me make my dreams come true - Eirana _

The hastily scribbled note was the last clue Moiraine needed. No matter how many times she turned it over in her head, an innocent explanation she could not find. Not knowing what else to do, she found herself knocking at Elaida's door.

The Red was surprised to see her, but not nearly as surprised as Moiraine was at finding herself there.

"Moiraine," she said slowly. "I'm surprised to see you, Acc - sister,"

"Yes. Blues aren't exactly welcome in the Red Ajah, no?" She gave a weak smile. "May I come in?"

"Certainly. May I get you something to drink? Tea? Something stronger?"

"No...I'm fine, thank you," not wanting the awkward pleasantries to last any longer, she went straight to the point. "You're probably wondering what I'm doing here."

"Well...yes," Elaida said. "I...we've never been exactly friendly."

"It's Siuan."

"Siuan Sanche?"

"Yes. She's been secretive, disappearing off by herself...Siuan's not terribly good at keeping a secret, you know. She keeps saying she's working for that sister who hooked her as soon as she was raised...but I seen Cetalia out when Siuan says she's working for her and Myrelle told me that Cetalia never leaves anyone alone in her rooms. Cetalia confirmed herself she asks Siuan to do no more than six hours a day," Moiraine could feel her fears raising. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Elaida was strangely quiet. "You think she's having an affair," not a question, but a statement. "Did you ask her?"

"She denied it. Of course. But... She's been getting letters - letters that she won't let me read and I can't find after she gets them. I've looked for them." Light, why was she admitting this to Elaida! "I'm sorry to have troubled you…no doubt you were preparing for bed," Moiraine stood and headed for the door.

Elaida's voice halted her. "Tell me; is Siuan gone now?"

"Yes - I don't know were she is."

"I see. Goodnight, Moiraine."

"Goodnight."

* * *

The talk with Elaida didn't soothe any of Moiraine's doubts. If anything, saying her fears out loud made them seem more concrete. 

These were the thoughts going through her mind when Siuan walked through the door. "Hello, my love," she said before moving to kiss.

Moiraine turned her head to avoid it. "Is there anything going on between you and Eirana?"

"Light, Moiraine, not this again."

"I found a note."

Siuan's blue eyes grew distant and wary. "What note?"

Anger as she had never known it shot through Moiraine. "Don't play stupid with me! I saw it, Siuan."

The other woman simply stared.

"Say something!"

"Have you been going through my things, Moiraine?"

"Do you have something to hide, Siuan?" Without waiting for an answer, Moiraine stalked out the door to Siuan's rooms and began scrummaging through every drawer she could find. But it wasn't there.

"Looking for something?"

She ignored Siuan and continued looking. The desk was near empty, the wardrobe held more shifts and stockings than anything else, and the dresser was even emptier than the desk. Out of frustration she began to look in corners and under the bed but she knew she wouldn't find it; the note was gone. Standing, she turned to face Siuan.

"You destroyed it."

Siuan was quiet for a long moment. Finally, she said, "Yes. But it's not what you think."

"Not what I think! And what is it that I think, Siuan?"

Sighing, the Tairen moved to sit on the bed and motioned for Moiraine to join her. When she didn't, Siuan gave a small grimace. "I know you don't like it, but...we flirt. I know it's stupid, and I'm sorry."

Moiraine returned to her rooms with Siuan on her heels. She felt strangely liberated. "I want you to go, Siuan." Siuan gave a protest, but Moiraine's look silenced that quick enough. "We'll talk on the morrow. But right now I don't want to look at you."

* * *

It was two nights before she saw Elaida again. The Red knocked at her door disheveled and trembling. "Elaida, what-?" Moiraine tried to close the door as the woman fell into her arms. 

"I've done it - I've done it - they're going to still me or execute me or-"

"What have you done?"

"I killed them. I killed them both."

Coldness gripped Moiraine's heart. "Killed who?" She feared she knew the answer.

"Eirana and Siuan."

Moiraine jerked back and stared at Elaida, keeping her at arms length. Quietly she asked, "What?"

"I found them...together."

"Together?"_ Light, why was is happening?_

"In bed."

A cry ripped out of Moiraine's throat before she could stop it. She was echoed by Elaida's own choking sobs. "Shush," she stroked Elaida's neck. "Shush - perhaps if you appeal to the Amyrlin -"

"She won't execute me? It is Sierin Vayu not Tamra Ospenya - maybe, _maybe_, Tamra would have been lenient... Gitara did the same thing to her not too long ago, after all."

"Mm," Without thinking, Moiraine kissed Elaida lightly on the side of the mouth. The other woman responded, almost urgently. She pulled Moiraine into a deeper embrace, her tongue hunting all corners of her mouth.

"Elaida, I -"

Her protests were useless, and soon the two were in the bedchamber.

* * *

Before the sun awoke, the two women found themselves heading towards Southharbor. Using a dark alley for added darkness, they slowly lowered Eirana and Siuan into the icy waters. The bodies plummeted as the currents took them into River Erinin proper. Eventually, they would break surface. Assuming the fishes didn't get them. They rode back to the Tower in silence, each woman absorbed in her own thoughts. Moiraine briefly wondered what Elaida was thinking, but had no desire to ask. She had her own dark thoughts to dwell on. 

When Elaida offered breaking fast together, Moiraine complied but soon regretted it. The meal was awkward to say the least, with neither desiring to break the silence. Moiraine was content with the quiet, but Elaida apparently wasn't.

"What is to become of us? Of me?"

"Nothing, so long as you stay quiet," she was tired of this. "We've been over this before, Elaida. Siuan wasn't ageless yet, so it is doubtful people will think her Aes Sedai. Eirana they might trace back to the Tower, but you are the last person they'll think of harming her. Do not fret."

"'_Do not fret_' she says," Elaida's tone was mocking, but her eyes betrayed her fear.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. When it came time to depart Moiraine brusquely avoided Elaida's embrace, and ignored the hurt in the woman's eyes. She didn't want this woman's touch, or to be in the White Tower, nor even in Tar Valon. Leaving the city would be difficult with the Amyrlin's hawks watching her, besides, she was far too tired to even bother trying. Instead, she packed her saddlebags and went to find a cozy inn.

Everything was a blur to Moiraine: the wine, the inn, the young man in her arms. It wasn't until the next morning she realized who he was; the young under-lieutenant she had glimpsed the day her and Siuan went to take names. It felt like forever ago.

The months went by as slow as honey, and the whispers began. Elaida became erratic when they found Eirana's body, or what was left of it. Whether it was an act or if the woman had truly lost it, Moiraine didn't care to find out. A rumor was being spread that Moiraine herself was with child. She didn't care much for the rumor until Laras changed her meal plan. Everytime Moiraine ordered wine for supper she received goat's milk instead, and more vegetables then she knew what to do with. However, there was no point in complaining; her courses were two months behind, and sweetcakes made her stomach turn. You didn't need to be a Reader to know what that meant.

When Siuan's remains were discovered, Moiraine had them burned and the ashes sent to Tear. With both Eirana and Siuan now buried Elaida seemed content enough to return to Andor. Moiraine watched her leave from a balcony, and allowed herself a few tears. As Elaida's stay in Tar Valon came to an end, so did a sad chapter in Moiraine's own life story.

* * *

The End 


End file.
